SEXBOTI(y)

Manolo Blahnik, španělský návrhář s českými kořeny,  onehdy hrdě prohlásil, že jeho boty už zachránily nejedno manželství. Sice stojí muže jmění, ale pořád jsou levnější než rozvod.  No vidíte, a já bych je nechtěla. Jsou totiž tak neskutečně krásné, smyslné a něžně jemné, že by mě v nich vlastně nikdo nikdy neviděl. Vyrazit s nimi na špinavé městské chodníky, nebo – nedejbože –  mačkat s nimi pedály v autě? Jen při té představě se mi rdí tváře studem. Připadala bych si jako svatokrádežnice.

Když jsem nedávno zahlédla v časopise článek s titulkem „O  Sexbotech“. Myslela jsem si nejprve, že jde o překlep, či výsledek řádění novinářského šotka. V textu pak marně hledala obrázky Manolových sexy bot.  Kdepak. Žádný impuls k zatajování dechu nad krásou střevíčků, ale regulérní popis nastupující konkurence pro tzv. kněžky lásky….a – jak tak cítím v kostech – nejen pro ně.

Když Woody Allen ve filmu Spáč (1973) znázornil pomocí orgasmátoru svoji představu o uspokojování sexuálních potřeb v  budoucnosti, bylo to Woodovsky praštěné a úsměvně směšné. Pak ale přišli filmoví tvůrci se Stepfordskými paničkami, AvouEx Machiny, či s PrisBlade Runnera …a rázem bylo ve vzduchu cosi Hamletovsky shnilého.

Už dávno se nerozčiluji nad genderovými nerovnostmi. Sice s nimi stále bytostně a do morku kostí nesouhlasím, ale nehodlám se kvůli nim stát žlučí prosycenou radikální sufražetkou s neoholenýma nohama. Ale tahle nespravedlnost mě fakt nadzvedla. Zatímco světu žen jsou  primárně určeni roboti ve formě pomocníků v domácnosti, svět mužů má v nejbližší době zaplavit nekonečná nabídka různých sex(ro)botek. Dle jejich tvůrců budou prý krásné, trpělivé, laskavé, ochraňující a milující. Budou mít rády to samé co jejich konkrétní majitel. Nebudou mít celulitidu a premenstruační syndrom. Po sexu je navíc může muž poklidně vypnout a beztrestně se k nim otočit zády. Sexy robotka mu také nikdy nebude větrat kreditku vysokými účty za módní výstřelky. Bude přesně vědět, jak muže uspokojit a hlavně tak bude činit kdykoliv, kdy ON bude chtít….žádné předstírané bolesti hlavy. A má být ještě hůř. Podle odborníka na umělou inteligenci – Davida Levyho – je dalším krokem – po sexu s roboty, svatba a manželství. V roce 2050 prý bude sňatek se sexbotkou něco běžného a nevymykajícího se společenským normám.

A tady, na tomto místě, já říkám – DOST. STAČILO. NAS*AT CHLAPŮM. Nechci mixér, myčku, pračku a už vůbec ne plnoautomatický vysavač. Ne. Chci svého sexbota. Budu-li si to přát, jeho software mu umožní být v pondělí za  drsného kovboje. V úterý bude prototyp něžného Francouze. Ve středu mě jeho svalnaté paže budou rozmazlovat nekonečnými masážemi. Ve čtvrtek pak vypere, vyžehlí a  uvaří výbornou večeři. V pátek se mnou půjde na Salsa večer, kde vyhrajeme hlavní cenu v taneční soutěží a já s ním naštvu kamarádky. V sobotu mi bude od božího rána suplovat zrcadlo ze Sněhurky (akorát že on se nesplete v odpovědi, kdože je na světě nejkrásnější). V neděli uklidí a bude mixem všech předchozích dnů. Jo a rozhodně nebude mít krizi středního věku, kterou si muži běžně léčí s o 20 let mladší sekretářkou. Taky mu nebudou smrdět nohy a nikdy nezapomene na moje narozeniny. A hlavně, vezme si mě………………a vůbec mu nebude vadit, že v roce 2050 mi bude přesně 70 let.

Odhadovaná cena sexbota je 200 tisíc korun. Tedy asi zhruba 10 párů bot od Manola Blahnika. Nemůžu jinak, než hezky „Babišovsky“ vzkázat  Manolovi ….“Sorry jako, ale než si vyšlapovat v tvých křuskách, radši se nechám bosky nosit v náručí svého sexbota. Dám mu jméno Jeoffrey a  konečně si budu připadat jako Angelika….“

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