Rodičovské evergreeny

Děti se rodí jako „tabula rasa“, nebo-li nepopsaná tabule. Trošku znepokojivý je pak ale fakt, že nikde není  explicitně stanoveno, co se může na tuto tabuli psát. K řízení vozidla musíte mít řidičské oprávnění, k vlastnění zbraně zbrojní průkaz……tady je ale vše ponecháno náhodě a hlavně dáno nemilosrdně  všanc  všem rodičovským evergreenům. Tedy moudrům, co leckdy nemají hlavu ani patu. Jako děti  je upřímně nesnášíme. Máme je ale tak hluboce v sobě vryté, že v dospělosti, je při nejbližší možné příležitosti posíláme přes své děti dál.

Můžeme se tomu bránit, jak chceme, ale tahle moudra jsou jako spící vir v počítači, či trojsky kůň v naší racionalitě. Takový evergreen si potichoučku sedí na nějakém pekelně rychlém nervovém zakončení a čeká na svoji příležitost. Když ta pak přijde, čapne ji za pačesy a nám, rodičům, pak z pusy létají věty typu: „Nejsem Vaše služka!“, „Jednou tu shnijete v bordelu.“, „Já ve vašich letech…“„Jestli spadneš a zabiješ se, tak mi pak  nechoď na oči!“. Od teď tak máme dvě jistoty. Jednak jsme právě provedli rituální vraždu naší rodičovské důstojnosti a váženosti. Jednak jsme předali bájné převozníkovo heslo……tato moudra tak s nejvyšší jistotou jednou uslyší i naše vnoučata, pravnoučata, pra pra……

Nutno ale podotknout, že tyto věty jsou vesměs nevinné, roztomile hloupé a nelogické. Zazní, ale díky bohu hlubší stopu nezanechají. Pak jsou ale mnohem nebezpečnější slova. Ta už zaseknou drápek, drží a nepustí.

„Dělej si co chceš.“  Tohle je ten nejpodlejší způsob výhry rodiče v argumentační bitvě s dítětem. Sice nám tato věta  naoko dává svobodu a boří všechny mantinely. Jenže dítě  chce hranice, byť proti nim denně revoltuje a snaží se je posouvat. Vždy je lepší být v opozici než být vládnoucí element. Dítě potřebuje cítit jistotu. Vědět,  že když nepřekročí tu pomyslnou linii, bude vlastně vše v pořádku. A hlavně na zodpovědnost toho, kdo ji vymezil. Teď ale nad ním najednou  rodič láme pomyslnou hůl a nahlas vyslovuje hraný nezájem nad jeho  osudem. Najednou vše, co se stane, padá na hlavu dítěte. To pak v  99 % couvne ze svých požadavků, vyděšeno nabytou vrtkavou volností  a vyplní původní rodičovské přání.  Frustrace sytí jeho duši. Tohle nebyl konsenzus, ani kompromis, tohle bylo z jeho strany  prachobyčejné  hození ručníku do ringu.

„Co by tomu řekli lidi.“ Zlatý hřeb rodičovských evergreenů. Já dodnes nevím, jací  lidé? Sousedi? Pilot ultralehkého letadla, co přelétává nad naším domem a zahradou? Špioni? Celé mé dětství a dospívání bylo tedy takové  „čekání na Godota“….čekala jsem, až jednou příjdou „ti lidé“ a vyjádří spokojenost či rozmrzelost nad nějakým mým konáním. Nikdy jsem se s nimi nepotkala. Přesto jsem kvůli nim musela věšet prádlo na sušák dle barvy, v tématicky logickém celku. Přičemž spodní prádlo muselo být vždy skryto za ručníky či delšími tričky. Kvůli těmto lidem jsem musela dbát na čistotu oděvu, na vyžehlený kapesník v kapse a hlavně na všechna pravidla slušného chování. Jim to ale  nebylo dost. Roztahovačně zasahovali i do toho, zda nemám příliš vysoké podpatky, příliš extravagantní účes, prostě čehokoliv mohlo být příliš moc nebo příliš málo. Kvůli nim se myla okna na Velikonoce, i když barometr sliboval déšť. Přes den se nezatahovaly závěsy, ač  kvůli slunci nebylo vidět na obrazovku televize….co kdyby si mysleli, že spíme i přes den. Dodnes se tak posuzuju optikou ostatních lidí.

Začínám tušit, že „oni“ asi neexistují. Že za vším stojí jen nesmyslná touha po jakési pseudo dokonalosti, tak plnotučné, že  uspokojí nejen naše ego, ale naplní hojně i nádoby ostatních. Také si jsem vědoma obrovského kusu pravdy, skrytého  v přísloví, že není člověk ten, aby se zalíbil všem…….jenže pozor, já se nechci líbit všem, já se chci prvotně líbit „jim“. V epicentru mého nesmyslného duševního omezování si tak hýčkám sen, že jednou nastane okamžik, kdy „oni“ nade mnou oněmí úžasem, nebo naopak začnou směrem ke mně chrlit nekonečný proud laskavých slov a pochval.

Něco mi ale říká, že se svého Godota nedočkám. Že „oni“, stejně jako Ježišek, čerti a Mikuláš prostě neexistují. Že moje jednání je vlastně každému tak nějak jedno.  Do slova a do písmene. Šumák. Prostě pohov  a dělej si, co chceš.

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