Je to zhruba rok, co jsem zcela bez rozmyslu a na pokraji sil, pronesla větu: „Já už si chci konečně taky někdy odpočinout. To by byla taková nádhera, jít třeba tak na tři dny do nemocnice. Ale aby mě nic nebolelo.“ Pokud si dobře pamatuji, přidala jsem tehdy i rádoby-vtipnou poznámku, že si právě pro podobné účely hýčkám ve své nabídce neodebrané slepé střevo. No a když bude nejhůř, jsou tady ještě párové orgány……
Pamatujete, jak božstvo v Souboji titánů různě manipulovalo figurkou Persea, vystavujíc ho tak nebezpečí, nebo mu naopak podávajíc pomocnou ruku? Někdy mám neodbytný pocit, že přesně tak si pohrává nějaký cynický a pěkně potměšilý bůh i s mým osudem.
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Měl někdo z Vás kdysi takovou tu videohru – byl tam vlk, co běhal s košíkem sem a tam a chytal do něj padající vajíčka? Množství vajíček a rychlost jejich pádu se zvyšovala s obtížností hry. Tak přesně tak jsem si vbrzku připadala já. V každé ruce blinkací mističku a běhala jsem mezi Martínkem a Tomáškem. Hned v tom největším levelu. Když se pak klukům udělalo trochu lépe, pochopili, že je to vlastně ohromná zábava. Takže schválně vydávali různé divné, dávivé zvuky. Pak se řehtali tomu, jak maminka okamžitě startuje a strká jim mističku pod bradu.
Fyzický stav dětí se zlepšoval zcela úměrně k zhoršujícímu se psychickému stavu matky.
Uplynul rok. Přišla neděle před letošními Velikonocemi a Tomík se začal dusit. Teplota nešla srazit pod 39 stupňů. Na pohotovosti diagnostikován zápal plic. Okamžitá hospitalizace. Umístili nás na stejný pokoj a dokonce i stejné postele, jako před rokem – s rotaviry.
A opět se Tomovi udělalo brzy lépe a opět začal řádit. Sestřičky mi tak nechávaly neustále na stole cedulky typu: „Dítě má mít klidový režim. NEBĚHAT!“ Každý den přibyl jeden vykřičník. U čtvrtého vykřičníku jsem sestry slušně požádala, ať mi teda ukáží, jak jej udržet v klidu. Stály nad ním všechny tři jako sudičky. Domlouvaly, vyhrožovaly, prosily, slibovaly….nezvládly. Pátý vykřičník nakonec už dopsán nebyl. Na přímluvu sester nás totiž pan doktor propustil do domácího léčení.
Když tak nad tím přemýšlím, jsem vlastně asi krajně nevděčná. Mé přání se přeci vyplnilo – dokonce dvakrát. Byla jsem v nemocnici a nic mě nebolelo. Moje chyba, že jsem tehdy nedodala do prosby zpřesňující informace. Například tu o složení výpravy. Původní záměr – odpočinek od dětí – se tak bohužel vlastně ani jednou nekonal. Nebylo to ale bohužel poprvé, co mé prosby k nebesům byly porůznu překrouceny, či plněny tak nějak na půl žerdi….což jim dodalo ve finále naprosto odlišný význam.
Sny a přání jsou prý hnací silou žití. Souhlasím. Alespoň mě mé prosby a sny vždy spolehlivě odřízly od růžových zítřků a vehnaly do tenat nešťastných dnešků. Snění je holt jen pro profesionály.
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