Dětství bez poskvrny přijde až po senilitě

Básníci velice často připodobňují cestu životem k chůzi po mostě, pod nímž teče řeka plná vírů a my jdeme z jednoho břehu na druhý. Je-li tomu tak, jsem nyní zhruba uprostřed. Což je relativně nevděčná pozice. Ještě nedosáhnu na moudrost a nadhled stáří, zároveň mi ale již je dávno zapovězen čas her a malin nezralých. Čas, který je nejpozději od 18ti let nepřístupný.

Trygg Engen, profesor psychologie na Brown University tvrdí, že vůně slouží jako „rejstříkové heslo“, které nám umožní načíst některé vzpomínky z našeho mozku. Pro mě je vzpomínková cesta do dětství dlážděna vůní čerstvě posečené trávy, malinové šťávy klokotající na plotně a Solviny, kterou mi máma drbala každý večer kolena a ruce. Obyčejné mýdlo nedokázalo smýt zážitky prázdninového dne.

Měla jsem poměrně pěkné dětství, prožité na vesnici. Bohužel však nejsem na mostě života ještě tak daleko, aby zafungovala selektivní paměť, a já na toto období vzpomínala s upřímnou slzou v oku a bez jakýchkoliv „ALE“…. Obraz vzácného času nevinnosti má tři, stále dobře patrné, praskliny:

Zvíře, které bylo již hodně staré, popřípadě začalo divně polehávat, šlo pod nůž…..a následně na stůl. Nikdy nezapomenu pach starého, lojovitého skopového, které nám babička nakládala na talíř. Mě ten smrad snad až fyzicky bolel. Navíc byla babička stará škola, co se pitného režimu týče. Hrneček s vodou tedy následoval až po jídle…..milosrdné zapíjení každého sousta se tak stalo mým velkým nesplněným snem.

Po obědě se navíc muselo jít spát. Na manželské posteli ležela vpravo babička, vlevo děda, já se sestrou mezi nimi. Všichni jsme se drželi za ruce, říkali tomu „drátek“. Hodinu! Radši bych hodinu jedla skopové, než jen tak ležela. Za tu dobu se dalo 3 krát spadnout z třešně, rozbít míčem dvě okna, postavit si základ bunkru…..a já tam ležela. Koukala nad sebe na lampičku v podobě notně opelichaného broučka s lucerničkou a poslouchala kvokání slepic. Jak jsem jim záviděla jejich pomyslnou volnost v rozeběhu. Tyhle hodiny mi už nikdo nevrátí. Venku to žilo, já byla statická součást „drátku“.

Po spánku následovala káva a něco dobrého. Zrod mého třetího traumatu….nemohla jsem totiž jíst buchty odprostřed. Nesnáším patky u štrúdlů a suché okraje u koláčů. Proč se prokousávat dusivou koncovkou, když já chtěla hned cítit na patře tu voňavou náplň. „Suchých okrajů“ si v životě užije každý dost. Na málokoho pak ale zbude šťavnatý vnitřek. Babička byla skvělá kuchařka. Já milovala sladké. Toužila jsem vždy vrhnout se hned na tu ještě horkou, čerstvě z trouby vytaženou, dobrotu. Musela jsem ale útrpně čekat, až si někdo vezme ten nenáviděný první kousek s okrajem. V opačném případě jsem riskovala pohlavek. Následně druhý, to když jsem se ve své lačnosti zapomněla a sáhla po vytoužené prostřední části levou rukou.

Babička ji říkala „krenďačka“.  Vždy ji prý „lechtalo až u zadku“, když mě viděla ji používat. U babičky jsem tak během prázdnin byla nuceně nemotorný pravák, doma svobodně nešikovný levák. Doteď jsem „zmrskaná“. Když žehlím, jedu po prkně s žehličkou v levé ruce doprava, pak si přehmátnu a vracím se pravou rukou doleva. To samé při práci s krejčovskou jehlou a bohužel i při tenisu. Neznám backhand, hraju zásadně forehandy…..raketu si přehazuji z levé do pravé a naopak.

Moje dospělost je tak spojená s třemi revoltami. Odmítám pozřít skopové. Nechodím spát po obědě. Zásadně sahám po tom kousku koláče, co je uprostřed – patkami štrúdlů přímo pohrdám.

A víte co? Kdybych tento příspěvek nepsala na počítači, ale v ruce….psala bych tou LEVOU, krenďačkou !!! 🙂

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