Konspirační teorie o špenátu, pravdivá o mrkvi

V hodinách dějepisu nás učili, že první světovou válku odstartoval atentát na následníka rakousko-uherského trůnu Františka Ferdinanda d’Este v roce 1914. Kdepak. Problémy a třenice totiž začaly již dříve. Rozhodujícím byl rok 1870 a Prusko-francouzská válka. Němcům, na straně Prusů, vzrostla chuť na další území. Není náhodou, že právě v tomto roce pak zveřejňuje profesor E. von Wolf svoji studii o vysokém množství železa obsaženém ve špenátu. Dnes již víme, že jen chybně umístil desetinnou čárku a špenát tak žádná superpotravina není. Pouhý malý matematický omyl?

Žádný omyl, ďábelský plán s naprosto čitelným záměrem. Vařený špenát totiž obsahuje i kyselinu šťavelovou, která značně stimuluje střeva. Spolu s vápníkem pak může tvořit krystalky v ledvinách. Významně se tak podílí na vzniku ledvinových kamenů, ale i hemoroidů. Zároveň zabraňuje ukládání vápníku. Jehož nedostatek vede k odvápnění kostí. O fosforu v něm ani nemluvě.

Ještě si myslíte, že vše byla pouhá náhoda? Proč byla studie v 80 letech propagována všude, kromě Německa?  V době vypuknutí války, by tak všichni muži kolem 30-40 let nebyli v podstatě bojeschopnými. Šlo by přesně o tu generaci, která byla již od mateřských školek vystavována špenátovému ataku.  Jakou cenu má voják s vybičovanými střevy, bojící se rychlejších pohybů? Zkuste jít na zteč, když se bojíte odlepit půlky od sebe. Zůstat v zákopech? Sednout si nemůžete kvůli hemoroidům a stát dlouho nevydržíte, neboť Vás neunesou odvápněné kosti. Do toho ostré bolestivé koliky a putování ledvinových kamenů močovým ústrojím. Když už by byla všechna tato protivenství přeci jen nějak překonána, máme tu fosfor. Umíte si představit tajný noční útok, když vojáci svítí jako světlušky?

Byl to opravdu mistrný plán. S čím ale Němci nepočítali, to byly děti. Žádné normální dítě nevezme do pusy něco, co je zelené, má kašovitou konzistenci a divně zapáchá. A byly to tak právě děti, co tak pomohly vyhrát válku. Každé vyplivnuté sousto špenátu bylo fackou do tváře nepříteli….ten nakonec raději 11.11.1918 v 11 hodin podepsal příměří.

Přišla třicátá léta a opět bylo něco ve vzduchu. Aby nikoho nenapadlo jíst špenát (to kdyby Němci zkusili stejný trik podruhé), vzniká v amerických filmových studiích Pepek námořník. Ten sice špenátem získával sílu, ale za jakou cenu? Vždy mu obludně narostla předloktí. To působí strašně neesteticky. Navenek to tedy vypadalo, že Američani jdou Němcům na ruku. Ve skutečnosti začala od té doby prudce klesat poptávka po špenátu. Takové pracky nikdo nechtěl. Namísto toho se měla brzy urodit jiná odvetná zeleninová akce. V hlavní roli byla tentokrát mrkev.

Druhá světová válka a rozhodující velká letecká bitva o Anglii. Spojeneckým vědcům se podařilo tajně sestrojit krátkovlnný malý radar. Ten umístili do „čumáku“ britských stíhaček. Od té doby tak dostávali Němci při nočních útocích na frak. Byli z toho vyděšení, zmatení a konsternovaní. Britské rozvědce se navíc následně podařilo Němce bravurně oklamat. Přesvědčila je, že zostřené noční vidění a zlepšení zraku je díky mrkvi, kterou podávají stíhačům ve velkých dávkách. Němci fintu neprokoukli a počali cpát své noční letce touto zeleninou horem-dolem. Vzdušnou převahu tím ale nezískali. Naopak. Předávkování piloti zvraceli, měli průjem a bolesti hlavy. Trpěli mlhavým viděním, únavou a karotonémii (oranžové zbarvení kůže). Němečtí piloti si tak sice nevysloužili v boji vítězné ostruhy, ale získali alespoň pověst statečných válečných zajatců. Nikdy totiž v nepřátelských rukou nezbledli strachem. Ale zachovávali si zdravou, možná trochu až příliš oranžovou, barvu. Trvalo několik let, než se Němci dozvěděli, že za prohru v letecké bitvě můžou díky odhalení kódu jejich šifrovacího stroje Enigma a utajeným radarům v britských stíhacích strojích. Žádná mrkev.

Přesto se ale Němcům nedá upřít určitá zarputilost a tvrdohlavost, s kterou se vrhají do dalších zeleninových pokusů. V první světové válce jim to nandal špenát, ve druhé mrkev. Teď je v ohnisku jejich zájmu petržel. Čaj ze semen petržele je totiž nyní v Německu s oblibou předepisován lidem s vysokým krevním tlakem. Tuším, že petržel bude brzy nedostatkovou komoditou. Když totiž pozoruji  naivní migrační politiku Frau Merkel, myslím, že vysoký krevní tlak budeme mít  brzy všichni.

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